DAY SEVENTY-SIX

No music today. I played some stuff and realised alot of the things I've recorded I'll never be able to play again..didn't write anything down, or merely scribbled some notes on scraps!

A friend of mine has just moved to San Francisco so I wrote him some facetious advice for living in the States. 

Advice and Information for living in America

• The currency is made up of dollars, quarters and yanks. A quarter is a dollar coin cut into a triangle or a 'piece a' pie'. Quarters can be used once every 25 years. 

• Always drive in the centre of the road. Constantly toot your horn.
   
• Upon seeing a child it is customary to give a friendly clap to the back of their head and shout 'yeehah' in their astonished face. 

• Like the UK, the USA is split into four countries - America, Alaska, Mexico and New England. Technically, Canada is another, but it's traditional not to count it. The voting restrictions explain Canada's status as the 'silent 5th' country. 

• Every day is a celebration of some kind. This week look forward to the compulsory fun of 'National Air Day', 'National Emotions Day' and 'National Tues Day'. Happy National Have a Nice Day Day today!
   
• Like all American phone numbers, the emergency number is derived from related words. So convert the letters of EMERGENCY and you get 363743629. Altenatively, simply dial 6463 663 663 (NINE ONE ONE). Because of the additional 4 in the initial sequence the Emergency Services are known as the Plus Fours (7587 36877).
   
• Don't forget to leave a three syllable pause before dialling a Canadian number!
   
• Upon reaching 38 years old it is compulsory to have plastic surgery, false teeth, and a robot arm. This is why all Americans are beautiful. The procedures obviously don't apply to Canadians. They remain beautiful their whole natural lives; and into their afterlives.
   
• The language spoken is ostensibly English, but predominantly they speak in Sarcasm and Irony. America is the only country that truly understands sarcasm and perhaps their greatest feat is in convincing us the exact opposite.